Beast: Kenzo Jungle L'Elephant

Isn't that a great bottle? The stylized elephant is charming, the name "Kenzo" is in tactile raised script in the lower right-hand corner, and there's hardly a straight line to be found, just lush swoops and curves. It's a bottle that wants you hold it, to run your hands over it and explore it.

I wish I could be as enthusiastic about the contents, which you would think would be right up my alley: Kenzo Jungle L'Elephant (to differentiate it from Jungle Le Tigre) is warm and spicy, with a dose of weirdness (always a plus), a rich gourmand oriental anchored by tropical flowers and laden with vanilla. (The official list: mandarin, cardamom, caraway, clove, heliotrope, ylang-ylang, mango, licorice, vanilla, patchouli, cashmeran. Make of that what you will.) But as it develops you discover it's more than just weird: there's something horrifying about it. It's too spicy, too sweet, assaultively so, and it just goes on and on. It's the Attack of the Killer Dessert, a thick, clumsy pot of heavily spiced pudding made by someone who has lost their sense of taste. A lot of people love this: every time I put it on, I just want to take it right back off again.

But the bottle's terrific!